Just as the world’s societies are built upon a patriarchal system, they are consequently inherently built upon the now-ruins of heteronormativity. For why should there be a closet to begin with? To make it more palatable for straight cis men in their need for oppression of the masses? Homosexuality used to be widely accepted in Ancient Greece, what changed? Straight cis men’s ego and pride became even more fragile?
Even though new parents now are trying to not use the color-coded genders of pink and blue for babies to assume the baby’s gender, for some reason, regardless of their lack of assumption of gender, the assumption that they will be heterosexual is still there; still rendering ‘the closet’ a necessary staple in a person’s sexual discovery if they are a part of the queer community. But for why? If we have gotten to the point where gender is no longer assumed, why is sexuality still assumed? Being queer is just as natural as being straight, and as Adrienne Rich put it in her text Compulsory Heterosexuality, “if it [heterosexuality] was so natural, it wouldn’t need to work so hard to shore itself up, and it wouldn't be so threatened by the alternatives to it” (Barker, 45). The assumption of ‘straight-ness’ in individuals come from the patriarchy and its aggressive establishment of heterosexuality as the ‘right’ and only way of living, but Rich does pose an interesting question that is if it really was the only right way, if it was the only natural way, then why is the patriarchal heteronormativity quaking under the threat of other sexual orientations? If it was so natural and so right, then there should be nothing to worry about. The thing is, queer-ness has been a part of society since the beginning of time. In Ancient Greece, there were practically more queer men than straight men, and it was widely accepted within their community. At some point, something changed and it became taboo and the patriarchy, with religion as their backing, established that heterosexuality was the only acceptable form of intercourse. And as much as, sure, a gay or lesbian couple technically can’t have children (sans adoption or surrogacy), there are some anatomical things that beg the question of whether being gay isn’t natural. Like why is a man’s G-spot up their butt? You would think that if men were only meant to be straight and nothing else, then that wouldn’t be the case, no?
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In Carl Wittman’s A Gay Manifesto, he mentions homophile organizations, which I honestly had no idea what they were. They are basically ‘pro-assimilationists,’ meaning that they are more interested in making the queer community assimilate to the heteronormative reality, making it more palatable for the heterosexual masses – basically being the Ellens of the gays. They separate themselves from sexual promiscuity, separating the queer identity from bodily experiences, and continuing the gay and lesbian stereotypes of ‘butch & femme’. Esther Saxey, in her text Homoplot, addresses this a bit by talking about the coming out story as a literary genre. The only thing that she highlights, is that as much as the coming out story at least showcases a little about how difficult and isolating it can be to be queer in a heteronormative society, and how hard it can be to ‘come out of the closet’ with the fear of rejection that accompanies it. It also, however, delineates a sort of experience that can be alienating to members of the queer community that don’t identify with it. Of course, the exposure and knowledge it provides to those that do not identify with the queer community is very helpful to understand a little bit of the queer experience, it is also a bit homophilic in nature, as it provides a version of events that is digestible by its straight audience, especially since “it is at the heart of the story of how the protagonist is not a heterosexual” (Saxey 4). Not only that, but the coming out story genre also creates a sort of box of how a person’s ‘coming out’ and how it should be; it’s kind of like rom-coms, where there is always a happy ending, and we know that shit is not always the case, or even remotely real. These coming out stories most always depict how it all ends in rainbows and sunshine and the gay protagonist is accepted by all – after a bit of struggle of course to build the plot and whatnot, and probably finds a partner, usually one of the two other queer characters; when in reality, not all get the happy ending of being accepted and loved by their peers and loved ones, a lot of people, when ‘coming out of closet’ are not accepted by their loved ones and communities, some of them are kicked out of their homes by their families, a lot of them go through unimaginable hardships, without ending in sunshine and rainbows.
The reality is that as much as these coming out stories have helped a lot of people ‘come out’ themselves, and heterosexual people be a little more accepting of the reality that, yes, the queer community exists, it creates this weird stereotype/expectation of what should happen, when they do, it also creates the expectation of having to come out in the first place. Because why should they? What is so threatening about a person that is not straight? The fact that a woman doesn’t need a man? Or the ego bomb that if a woman is bisexual and could ‘choose’ (so to speak) between and a woman and a man as a partner they could choose a woman instead? The fact that there is not as much pressure or value put on a person’s dick anymore? Because I guess that could be terrifying to straight cis men where a lot of their value and privilege was put on them having a dick.
The fact of the matter is that people should not have a need to ‘come out of the closet’. That phrase should be labeled archaic and obsolete. Just as gender is slowly no longer being assumed, even job applications now ask for pronouns where one of the options is ‘other’ or ‘prefer not to say’, sexuality should not be assumed either. It is something that is inherently personal and if someone chooses to share their sexual orientation it is entirely their business, and the assumption should not be that they are straight unless told otherwise. That just continues to set the premise of heteronormativity and reinforces the patriarchal and toxic masculinity nature of it.
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