“I think I am done with this project. Oh, it looks so good!”
“No, you are not. There is this one tiny letter that looks funky. Fix it.”
“Nah, it looks fine.”
“It most certainly does not. Fix it. Fix it. Fix it. Fix it…”
I tend to have conversations with my brain, and this is how they sound like most of the time. It drives me nuts. You know how there is always that one dog that never stops barking and you are just banging your head against the wall, hoping it shuts up sometime? Well, then you have met my brain.
I have always had the sneaking suspicion that my brain was more annoying than it should be; the constant judging, nagging, criticisms; I mean, shouldn’t my brain be on my side? It is absolutely exhausting to deal with the constant yapping and never really having that “off” button that I constantly wish for – or at least one to lower the volume.
Yet I find that my “energizer bunny” brain has its perks. When I like something, or am interested in a certain topic, my brain will not shut up about it; it is so excited that I get excited too – if not a little sick of hearing about it so much. In any case, I am already stubborn; and this obsessive juice that my brain runs on helps me tackle situations that sometimes seem as if they are untackle-able, or confront problems that seem to not have a solution. The irony of this is that, because my brain is so obsessive with certain thoughts, it is as though my efforts to be able to tamp down my thoughts increase ten-fold. So take that, brain; you are the reason I am getting better.
My struggle is the reason why I would like to help others. I played tug o’war with my brain for far too long, before realizing – and having it confirmed – that dealing with one’s head should not be as hard as dealing with mine. It was such a relief to realize that I am, in fact, compos mentis – I have simply been given an uber-annoying brain. One that can be harnessed and used for good. I would like to help people deal with their own brains, for it is a very hard thing to do, but slightly easier with support.
Some conversations with my brain now, go something like this:
“I think I am done for the day. I finished everything that was pressing, I can take care of the rest tomorrow. Phew.”
“No. You cannot. Do it now. Now. Now. Now…”
“Seriously, brain. Shut up. Give me a break.”
(Clearly admonished) “Okay, fine. Whatever. Do not say I did not warn you, though.”
Thanks to my struggle, my superpowers are my empathy and insight. With my brain being so “on” all the time, it is easy for me to notice changes in people, their facial expressions, their body language. The little twitch of the eye that indicates annoyance; the slight droop of the lips that shows sadness; the small crinkles in the corners of our eyes that determine whether a smile is real or not. I have learned to expect the unexpected, because I realize – as is the case for me – that a person is always more than what they seem and are probably dealing with more than what they show, and my brain is always curious to find out why; and my heart, to help.
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P.S. this was my CommonApp essay. I honestly don't even know how I got into college.
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